Kamala lost because she didn't represent change, but that doesn't mean the change isn't changing.

A message of hope for those who fear we're goin backwards: we aren't, and we won't, because we can't.

I want to be transparent from the beginning of this essay that I’m not very into politics. There’s a part of me that doesn’t even want to write about this because I don’t want to care who’s president. This is the part of me that knows that there’s a lot more going on that impacts change than who is in office. This is the part of me that knows that real, sustainable change happens on the ground. 

This is the part of me that knows that change happens in our everyday relationships. 

This change is ongoing. It’s already happening. It’s going to continue to happen. There’s nothing that can stop it. 

Ok, so, we got that part out of the way. I’m not very into politics and I’m not very into politicians. But what I am very into, is energy and healing. I’m seeing some really interesting things happening in the energy currents of our world right now. We are catapulting rapidly towards massive change. There’s a huge momentum going that’s been brewing and speeding up for years now, maybe even decades. We’re at this point in the current of change where it’s becoming more and more impossible for folks to ignore it. People like ignoring change, it’s what we do when we’re scared of it. Lots of us tend towards ignoring it for as long as is possible until it hits us smack in the face and pushes us over and we can’t ignore it anymore. I think we’re approaching that point. Many of us already see the change happening and have embraced it fully. Many see the change and are fighting it tooth and nail. And many others are trying their darnedest to ignore it completely, to block it out, avoid it, and pretend things can just stay static or as they once were. 

The thing is, the change is already happening. It doesn’t really matter if we embrace it, fight it, or ignore it–the change is happening regardless of our choice in response. Embracing it will make it significantly easier for ourselves though. 

Eight years ago we were presented with an opportunity to embrace this change and ride the waves more smoothly. Bernie was a perfect example of someone who’d fully embraced the currents of change and whose values were in alignment with the flow of our movements. Unfortunately, many folks at the time were too scared of change. They chose what they thought was a safer route, and Hillary ended up on the ballot. But Hillary did not represent change. She was not in alignment with this natural flow that was already sweeping our culture. She was resisting the change, ignoring it, and trying to slow it down–but it’s like shoving your feet out your car door on an interstate trying to break when you’re going at 60mph. It’s not gonna work and your foot might get a little, uh, rumpled. Which is exactly what happened. She didn’t win, because she wasn’t in flow with this current. 

So, Trump won. Many of us were shocked. I know I was at the time. But here’s the thing: looking back, I realize the reason why I was shocked was because I, too, wasn’t paying attention to these currents of change. We couldn’t have elected Hillary. Electing her would have been like making a river go backwards: try as we might, we are not in control of Nature. We cannot control something with power so massive, and so beyond us. We cannot make a river flow in the opposite direction. We cannot stop a river so it doesn’t reach the ocean. It’ll get there one way or another, no matter what we do. It’s that much bigger than us. 

I remember so clearly the months leading up to that election and the many conversations I had with friends. One day, I was sitting outside in the sunlight at a little table in front of my friend’s house. I’ll use an altered name to protect their identity. By this time, Hillary had already been chosen to be on the ballot and many of us were disappointed. My friend Sagge and I were discussing the election, wondering who would win, and what would happen if they did. Suddenly, Sagge says, “I’m not voting.” I was shocked. I’d never heard anyone say this before, not from folks in my leftist world where we all shared very similar values. I didn’t know what to say, I was so caught off guard. I asked them why and they told me, Hillary doesn’t share our values. “But Trump! It would be terrible if he won!” I said. But Sagge then said something that forever changed me. “You never know, maybe it will wake people up and spark a revolution.” 

I had never considered something like that before, but at the time I also wasn’t ready to embrace the idea either. I was upset at them for not voting because I was so scared of Trump, but I was also confused and intrigued all at the same time. Hillary really didn’t represent my values, and there was a part of me that understood what they were saying. I just wasn’t ready to hear it yet. 

I think I still thought at this time that ignoring change was better than resisting it. I didn’t realize that ultimately it ends up being the same thing. You can ignore that a river is flowing in the direction it’s going in, or you can try to block it and dam it up and keep it from flowing, but at the end of the day, you have the same result: the river keeps going where it’s meant to go. 

Election day came and I voted for Hillary. I went back to my house where I lived with 8+ people and was surprised to find out that no one wanted to stay up and watch the election results with me. Didn’t they care? Weren’t they anxious? Looking back, I can see how they were more adjusted to the river of change than I was at the time. They put less of their faith in politicians and more into their communities. They were a very positive influence on me and while I might not have shown it to them at the time, I grew a lot from living there.

I fell asleep on and off curled up on the couch by the fireplace with my laptop open to election results, all alone except for the dogs. Eventually, at some point very late in the night, or rather, the wee hours of the morning, I woke up again to check and, low and behold, Trump had won. 

I was devastated. I was angry. I was shocked. All I remember thinking was, “this couldn’t have happened. This is not possible. This can’t have happened.” It truly blew me away. 

Looking back, I realize that my reaction was the result of me not really paying attention to the current of our times. And it’s true, I really wasn’t paying attention. I was a keep-my-head-down, conflict-avoidant type of person, with a very overwhelmed nervous system that survived by simply shutting everything down and out. This isn’t me judging myself. I love myself back then. I was hurting and overwhelmed and didn’t know how else to get by. I was doing my best with what I had. I get why I felt the way I felt. I truly didn’t have the capacity to notice the collective energy around me because I also didn’t even have the capacity to notice the energy inside of myself. I was numbing all of it out. Ears plugged, eyes closed, senses off, was the way I navigated the world. Hold my breath, close my eyes, jump in, and just hope I survive was the way I managed to get through things. I wasn’t looking at what was happening around me. I wasn’t tuning into myself or my communities. I was living in a frozen altered reality that I didn’t want to change because I didn’t know how to do anything else. 

Sagge’s comment never left me. It was the one thing that got me through those four years and gave me hope: maybe, just maybe, people would wake up. And they did. We did. I did. 

Fast forward four years to 2020, and what we really needed more than anything was an opponent who aligned with change. Unfortunately, many Democrats were still scared of and resisting change, and hadn’t learned their lessons from 2016 that playing it safe wasn’t serving us. Biden did not represent change, nor was he in alignment with our culture’s natural flow. But people were very scared. Sure, people were scared of Trump, but I believe it was more so that people were scared by the pandemic. The combination of having Trump as president leading us through such a particularly scary and unprecedented time caused a surge of panic and motivation to do something to change it. This fear got Biden in office.

Fear does motivate us sometimes. But it’s not a sustainable motivator. This is because our nervous systems really can’t be motivated by fear for very long. Our bodies literally don’t physically have the capacity to be in such a high state of fear for a very long period of time. Now, in 2024, we are exhausted. The pandemic was completely and utterly exhausting for our nervous systems. We were in a high state of panic and uncertainty for years. Not to mention, we’ve also been fighting hard for what we believe in. Our bodies are tired. 

Fear is not a sustainable motivator for us anymore. 

We need something more meaningful, more sustainable than that. 

And we didn’t have it. 

Kamala, yet again, did not represent change. 

Listen, I wasn’t sure which way this election would go. I knew it was going to be a close call. I knew it was possible people would be afraid enough of Trump to vote Kamala. But I sort of knew she wouldn’t win. I had a feeling, because I could sense the energy around me. Kamala wasn’t it. She wasn’t in alignment with the flow I was seeing. She stood outside of it, as if she could pretend it wasn’t there, smiling in this detached way like she just couldn’t see the vast, beautiful, flowing colors of change rapidly moving through us all. 

Ok, so if you’ve read this far you might be wondering: but what about Trump? He’s not in flow either, is he? So how could he win?

No, he’s not in flow. But he is seeing the flow of the river, and he’s speaking about the flow of the river. He’s not ignoring it, or stagnating it, like Kamala is. He’s interacting with it directly. And not only that, but he’s offering an alternative change. He does actually represent change. Massive, massive change. Just not the one we’re in natural flow with. But that’s his advantage. That’s why he’s won.

If you as a voter see the river of change, and you’re scared of it, who might you be most interested in voting for? Someone who sees it too, or someone who doesn’t? 

This is why he gets so much traction. He sees the river, and he’s jumping RIGHT on in, fighting it tooth and nail, thrashing around in the water. 

He really is no match for someone who’s not in the river at all. 

Kamala lost because she did not represent change. She did not get in the river. Kamala lost because the Democrats are too attached to their ideas of the way things should be. Trump won because the Democrats are too invested in not getting their feet wet, not getting their clothes dirty, not taking risks. Not standing up for what they say their values are. Not aligning with heart.

The river of change is happening. It is flowing. Trump cannot stop it, even though he’s making a grand performance of his attempt. The change is not going anywhere. We just chose the hard way, that’s all. When we gave up on taking risks and chose what we thought was the safe path, we actually chose to allow the Tower to do us instead of doing the Tower ourselves. 

Photo of The Tower from the Rider-Waite Tarot Deck

If you’re familiar with the Tarot, you’re familiar with the Tower. In the card, you can see the lightning striking the tower and people falling to the ground. The Tower represents change. When we’re up on the top of the tower, we’re not grounded. We’re not seeing. We’re living far from reality and eventually, we’re going to come crashing down, one way or another. Either we chose to walk ourselves down the steps or we ignore the signs and wait till the lightening forces us down, but either way, we’re coming down.

When we clung to perceived safety in Hillary, and then Biden, and then again with Kamala, we clung to the top of that tower. 

We didn’t listen. We didn’t learn. 

Trump is our lightening bolt.

But we have to remember: even though we chose the hard way, it’s still going to be ok. This change is still happening. We can still embrace it. It’s not going anywhere. Trump truly cannot go against this current. It’s bigger than him, and it’s bigger than all of us. 

Listen. I know this might on the surface seem like a silly story but I’m sharing it because I think it’s a perfect example of what I’m talking about when I say that this change is not going anywhere. 

It’s also a perfect example of what it’s like to be in a practice of noticing the patterns of the world around us. Noticing the collective currents, the cultural flows of water, our community river that is carrying us all right now. 

In 2019, I needed period underwear. Back then, there were very few brands making period underwear and the only brand that offered a boxer style was Thinx. Period underwear was a relatively new thing at the time. But it wasn’t really boxer style, of course. It was a girl’s version of boxers, with a thin little elastic band, mini seams, short sides, and fitted to the ass. Even the material was silky sleek–nothing at all like a men’s boxer. It was clearly made for women. They basically look like a tight pair of women’s mini short-shorts. Frustrated by my lack of options, I bought them anyway cause, whatareyagonnado ya know? I typically wear them underneath a pair of regular boxers to make myself feel marginally less uncomfortable. But I hate them. They’re the last remaining article of women’s clothing I own because, obviously, I can’t live without them. They’re a necessity.

Recently I started browsing the interwebs for period boxers again, hoping to replace these raggedy old things that have seen enough life already and are ready to retire. In just a quick google search I found 5 different brands selling period boxers that actually look like men’s boxers. There’s probably more out there, too, I just stopped scrolling after the first page. 

And this is just one small, little, wee-mini example of the massive expansion we’ve experienced in just a few short years. I know there are so, so many more examples out there. 

What I’m trying to articulate to you is this: People are becoming more and more themselves every day. Trans people are just one example of this, but there are many, many more ways in which this trend is expressing itself. There are more people coming out as trans and queer every single day. The incredible surge in availability of period boxers in only 5 short years is just one little piece of evidence of this change. But there are more pieces of evidence everywhere you look.

When people taste the freedom of being more themselves, they don’t go back. That’s not something you can go backwards on. People don’t tolerate going backwards once they’ve already experienced it.

It’s a giant snowball that just keeps gathering more and more momentum and snow as it glides along. We’re rapidly expanding. We’re growing bigger and bigger in ourselves. That shit just doesn’t go backwards. It can’t. 

Change isn’t just something we strive for, or vote for–since we really didn’t have an option to in this election anyway. It’s not just that we “want” change or that we “deserve” change or even that we can “hope” for change. Change is happening. It is our current living reality. 

I know folks are scared right now, and I’m not telling you not to be. I get it. But what I will say is this: we will not be going backwards because we can’t go backwards. The current is currenting, the flow is flowing, the change is changing, the river is rivering. 

We are going forwards whether we want to or not. 

There is truly nothing that can stop it. 

It’s way too big for that.

I love you, friend.

Friend, I love you.